They say time mends all things, that time heals all wounds, that all you need is time. That is true but they never said anything about the scars that will be left. Through my past with the experiences that left their mark on my world, I may have incured more scars than a war-torn veteran that went through various world wars, the vietman crisis, the war in the gulf, and so on. Life has been my battlefield, my heart the armory, love the only weapon and those who I cared for the only enemies.

For the short time that I have shared in the grace of the Lord, those 30 years which you call my life has left my mind shattered, my body bleeding, and my feelings buried into the ground, Yet, I remain standing on my own. It has taught me how to be resilient to the forces that try to move me from where I stand. It has taught me the meaning of surviving alone, not to depend on others for help. It has taught me that happiness doesn't last and pain always comes back. It has taught me the lessons that made me who I am.

My heart has been the source of my strength, belief, and confidence which has fuled my passion for life. When the time of weakness sets in, the mind has always been easy to rationalize, or in simpler terms, to point the finger to ease the guilt brewing inside of me. It has been my heart that guides me to face my guilt and not to shy away like a beaten foe. It makes me believe that I can surpass any trial and solve any problem that continualy pours down like a raging falls. It makes me look back at myself, showing me that I am worth more than this.

I am standing today stronger and a little bit more wiser. As a survivor, I won through my battles but I was left with the mark of experience, the reminder of pain, the keepsake of my enemies. I am scarred with experinces that has made me who I am. The same scars that make others think twice or leave me be. I am who I have become.

The best day of my life

I've been asked before what was the happiest moment in my life was and I would always end up saying something totally different from the last time I had to answer the same question. But surely, any of my birthdays never came up. There's graduation, the first time I got a car, the first I had a girlfriend, and a whole lot of other firsts and inevitable occations like passing the boards. I never thought that I would be glad to say that my 30th birthday surpassed everything that happend in my 30 years of existence.

I for one never did celebrate my birthday with a party because of a lot of reasons. Partly because the last one I had was a major flop and the one before that was on my 7th birthday. As you can see birthday parties, especially those that were meant for me never did turn out like I planned or they never happened. To add gasoline to the fire, I had a couple of mishaps also, meaning two of my ex-relationships had a nose-dive on my birthday. The first time I thought was a fluke, a mere coincidence but when the second time happened it made me think maybe my birthday and relationships don't mix. Well that's the past so I try not connect one to the other. Hahahah!

But this year everything changed, I was still the grumpy guy when it came to his birthday but because of the efforts of one marvelous, loving lady with the help of some wonderful friends made me into the happiest man on that day.

That day started like any friday for me. A rhinoplasty in the morning started it off then followed by a hospital-food lunch then a 1.5L liposuction. What a day right?! But I planned to assist Jing (by the way, jing is that marvelous person I talked about. Love you baby.) with her converence. We headed to Krocodile grill at Greenhills me expecting to be a little oput of place because the convention was made up of her peers and co-residents which most I really didn't know.

So there i was following behind her walking towards 2 big wooden sliding doors minding my own life and just trying to keep up with her. When she opened the door I saw ballons arranged on the wall. i said to myself "fuck, i think we blew a surprize party some some dude. Shit that would really ruin it for that person." But oh my god, jing just went in. i was thinking maybe it was for a consultant or a co-worker and I was invited to share in the celebration. So i just followed her in with my head bowed down and trying not to look everywhere looking like a lost boy. so when i went in, bam!! it hit me. People started to sing happy birthday. I looked up and i saw family and friends around me with a picture cake. It was a surpize party for me.

My friends that i never see and all of my barkada from home, college days, med days were all there. my family and jing's family were also there to help me celebrate. It turns out that she planned this by herself and it took a month in preparation. She was the one who called up my friends and picked-out the place. It was jam packed. That was the best birthday I ever had.

Thank you so much to my baby, Jing who labored very hard to make that party for me and for being able to hide it that well. Thank you to her friends that helped her a lot, Maan, Jette and Rida. Thanbk you so much guys.

And I'll be taking the suggestion of a lot of people during the party, I won't be letting go of this one.

Its been a awhile!!

Its been a awhile since i last wrote on my blog. There has been a lot of changes in my life since then though most aren't the type to be proud of. Since last Feb, I became a full pledge physician (only in the Philippines by the way!!). Hooraaayyy!!! I had my doubts about it but thanks the the guy above I passed it. Since then, I've been trainging my self for plastic surgery (AKA: nip/tuck!! hahahaha!)

Well that's in the past already. I guess I just want to write about something. I wrote this after my OR for my GF:

"It eats me up inside, knowing that I'm all that you don't want and everything you're not looking for but I try to be what you expect.
I'm not sensitive but I try to understand.
I'm not sweet and affectionate but i try show you that I love you.
I make you cry but I try to say sorry and make-up for it each day.
I don't say the right things but I try to express my feeling through writing.
I did nothing to fight for you when you want to leave but I try to be proud of us and you.
I look like an ass and act like one most of the time but i try to clean my shit when it falls.
I'm not independent but i try to fix my life to make you happy.
I'm far fromfrom what you thought I would be but I'm trying not to disappoint your expectations."

What's up with this? Well lets say, we had a small misunderstanding. Its sad i know.



"When you decide to, you will find what it takes to work through any challenge. When you decide to, you can take whatever may come and dig the real value out of it.
Decide to, and you unleash a powerful, focused, creative force. Decide to, and you will."